Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
