I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize