I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
