I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Panties = found
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
