Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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