he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
