I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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