every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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