I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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