ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
