so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
