farters have to be the big spoon...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
