The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
