some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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