I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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