Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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