I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my poor anus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
