so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
