omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize