10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I checked into jail on foursquare
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everyone says I win the strip club
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
