she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
