I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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