I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
