I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
