is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
