what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
