it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
