On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
