i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
