Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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