Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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