the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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