I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
