I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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