I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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