Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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