some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize