god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
