We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
