I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
