I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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