we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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