Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
