yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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