could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think i have herpe
just one?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Less talking, more tequila
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
