I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
