woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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