Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
