I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
