no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
