it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
