The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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