Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
