the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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