i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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