she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
