I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
