Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
