i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
