I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
