sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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