3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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