worst night to have a conscience
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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