She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
