my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
