I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize