I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize