I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
