you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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