i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Less talking, more tequila
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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