Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize