Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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