My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
