It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
