Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
