You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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