she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
