i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My balls are so social today.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize