YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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